1 Corinthians 13 says that love is not easily provoked or angered. The original language describes this type of behavior as someone who comes alongside another to poke, prick, or stick the other person with some type of sharpened instrument. He continues to pick, poke, and stick until the victim becomes provoked. He’s finally had enough of this person’s relentless actions of picking, poking, and sticking, so he responds by violently and aggressively assaulting the offender. The result is a fight or a conflict of the most serious order.
We find the word used in this way in Acts 15:39, where Luke records information about a conflict that transpired between Paul and Barnabas. Barnabas wanted to take John Mark on the next journey, but Paul was against it because John Mark had already proven himself unfaithful on an earlier trip. As they debated the issue, the words they exchanged must have been very sharp. Luke wrote, “And the contention was so sharp between them.…”
This is a translation of the word paroxsuno, letting us know that Paul and Barnabas came alongside each other in close debate and then began to poke, stick, prick, and jab each other with their words. The Greek language leaves no doubt that the conversation that ensued was extremely hot. In fact, this provocation was so severe that it disrupted their friendship and destroyed their partnership in ministry.
The word is also the Greek word for vinegar. The fact that this is the word for vinegar lets us know the words Paul and Barnabas spoke to each other were stringent, sharp, severe, sour, tart, bitter, and acidy. These words were so bitter that it left a sour taste in their mouths and their memories. As a result of these harsh words, these two men who had served God together in the ministry separated: “…Barnabas took Mark, and sailed unto Cyprus; and Paul chose Silas, and departed…” (Acts 15:39,40).
I’m sure Paul remembers this experience very well as he warns believers everywhere that love is “…not easily provoked….” He speaks by experience when he tells us that this is not the behavior of love. Having reaped the consequences of losing his temper and saying regrettable, acidy words in a moment of conflict, Paul warns us that agape love does not behave in this fashion.
There are millions of excuses we as humans come up with when it comes to defending our bad behavior. We’re tired. We’re stressed; weighed down with life’s pressures and other’s expectation. We’re overworked and underpaid. The fact that I can think of examples of my own breaks my heart. I am grateful for the work of Holy Spirit and the sweet grace of God.
It will be worth your while to allow the Lord to do His work in your life if you struggle with anger and being easily provoked. He desires fruitfulness in your life and wants to entrust you with more. If you are angry and easily provoked now, you’ll remain that way but at greater levels. If you are self-seeking now, you will only continue to seek for yourself but at greater levels.
I am often reminded that in scripture it says, “And David realized that the LORD had confirmed him as king over Israel and had blessed his kingdom for the sake of his people Israel.” 2 Samuel 5:12 NLT
Wow, what a realization! It is critical we understand what 1 Corinthians is saying to us. Love is gracious and kind under pressure
So, what happens when your feelings get hurt? Maybe as recently as today you have been hurt by someone’s careless words or actions. Our flesh wants to retaliate and defend. My advice would be to bring your hurt and disappointment to God first and foremost. We all need a place to share our feelings, we aren’t robots after all. I have found when I bring my hurt and pain to God first, there usually is not a need to take it any farther. However sometimes there is a need to speak to the person who has hurt you. If this is needed, make sure you do so in love.
All too often people confront others with assumptions, anger, and rudeness. Don’t accuse character. Don’t go to someone saying, “You ARE these things”. Instead, make clear the way the other persons words or actions affected you. Nobody wants their character and motives to be judged.
I have witnessed many Christians quarreling with one another over senseless things, as well as quarreling with non-believers. What a horrible witness! When the world is grabbing their popcorn, candy, and front row seat to watch Christians provoke one another, we have a problem!
Let’s show the world that we can disagree but still love. We can have differences but still be kind. We can talk through hard things. We can confront when needed. We can do all these things from a heart and motivation of love!
-Scott